Calcutta '08 [Part I]

"So, Poopster, you tell me Calcutta sucks? Really?! I repeat.. you do not know that! At least, not unless you're forced to go into that wretched city by force, in the scorching heat of nearly 40* Celsius with the humidity touching 100%, to be educated by rat-smelling mongrels, and live in the midst of Patagonian savaging bashi-bazooks out there, who can consume nothing save the hell of a hurricane-tasting water that the soil of that terrible region provides, and of course, the "MAACH"! And before I forget.. the brilliant "ROSHOGOLAS"! Oh yeah!.. I'd rather have a Vada Pav! Thank you very much. :@ :(

:O

And that, my friend, is Calcutta, as I witnessed in the month of April 2008.. but nonetheless applicable at any time of the long and tiresome year. :|

I lost count of the number of times I cried out there. Was it 17? Or 18? I don't really know. I'm sure the only day in that city of cow-dung-smelling fishes when I didn't shed those misanthropic and melancholic tears of sorrow was TODAY! And you know why? I guess you do know that. 'cause I was returning back to Bombay!

*screaming an ecstatic yell of sheer joy mix'd with pure delight*

I woke up at 0630 hours today morning.. and all on my own; a record surely! I never woke up that early since the October of the year gone by, and I rejoiced at my already half-won battle of shortening my stay there! AND I DIDN'T CRY TODAY! The last step on that blistering jellyfish soil that I took was a leap onto the aeroplane escalator of the Jet Airways Flight No. 9W 212. I shall never forget the temporary, sorry, eternal debt that I owe to that very flight for having saved me.. my body.. my soul.. my everything.. getting me back to life.. the last step was a leap of a pang of bliss and satisfaction that I never felt before.. and in that moment of redemption, I sadistically stared back with the utmost disgust at the city which was supposed to be my "home"! (Yeah, right!)

But the story doesn't end here.. the goddamn flight was CURSED! :O Oh, yeah! I shouldn't have forgotten it.. taking off from my "home", the two winged jet bat made a collision with some unknown object on the runway just prior to leaving ground from the forsaken East.. It shook violently all through out.. and at the end of the journey, it was freaking hovering in circles over my HOME.. Bombay, yeah! For one freaking hour, it went round and round, reminding me of all the torture that I had already endured, and was still enduring.. silently.. angrily! Reminding me that I was away from my home, and reminding me that I would remain away for some more time to come. :( The take off gets delayed by 56 minutes, and now, oh god, oh; the landing gets delayed by 63 minutes! Oh, sweet Lord! Now that's not a co-incidence, right? My flight to my "home" wasn't as troublesome.. at least it had some sane roots.

But, oh, Sorrow, where have you led me?! :(

:O

* Cursed be the cockroach-looking fish-lovers and trawl seekers from the city of joy *

* Cursed be all their descendants to carry out their legacies *

* Cursed be me for being forced to bequeath that price *

* Cursed become you too for sharing a "home" with the traitors *"

Long List Of How It Hurts..

She was scared she was running late. She didn't live there anymore. Her home was far away.. One thousand, three hundred, eighty-seven kilometres away.. was the road that separated her birth and destiny. Yet, she returned.. Every once in a while, she needed to break free.. go back to where she was.. how she was.. what got her out of her mooned life, to play the piper's tune in an alien today. And now, she was back there in her birth of yesterday, playing a familiar tune.. not knowing how lost she was. She was scared she was running late. And he was angry that she was getting bored. He was her laughter, and he was her smiles. And it was he, who blamed her for getting bored in their presence. Aah, the hurt. The truth is.. he didn't care either. A happy chapter had closed, but she hadn't moved on yet. Just like every other girl, she was still lingering on..

But, the insensitive man that he was.. had to seep jealousy in. "Yes, running late to meet other 'interesting' friends." What sort of a world is this? She was crying for that day all her life.. The time when she would disappear forever, only to redeem herself periodically. But, the ones she disappeared from were still omnipresent, not knowing how badly it hurt.

'cause the truth is.. she had a friend's birthday party to attend. A friend who probably wasn't as close to her as he was.. but a friend nonetheless.. a friend she had known for longer, and a friend she had gotten used to seeing way more often. But, that all didn't hold the slightest significance in the aftermath of her disappearance. Why? 'cause she was all that was going wrong.. she was all the reason for the world to spin the wrong way.. she was the cause.. she was the event.. she was the catastrophe. And 'cause all the aberration was self-inflicted, no one else would bother about her either.

She was scared she was running late. She missed it by two hours, and before now, and before then.. she didn't complain even once. She was to be there at 4; she was there at 6.

He never realised.. the others didn't matter to her.. the others might 've been her friend for longer, her acquaintance for longer.. longer, but never deeper. He was all she was talking about. HIM! HE didn't want her there, HE wanted her to leave, HE wouldn't miss her if she wasn't around. It was all about HIM, and not what the rest of the world thought. She was dying for him to quit the diplomatic facade.. the farce of how she lived.. but, in truth, never existed. That's who she had become, that's who she had come around to believe.. and that's where she was then. Nowhere. She hurt inside, but not once did anyone find her raising a cry or complaint- she was happily surviving through it all. Happily.

And she stayed there till he asked her to leave.

She knew this then, as she knew this now.. if he'd asked her too, she would 've stayed. It was only when he explicitly told her to leave that she did. And no one quite knew why. But, the universe often speaks through us, and so it spoke through her.. 'cause it hurt her a lot when he said that. A lot. She kept a straight poker face, and quietly walked away with her music, after saying a queer goodbye to all, but it didn't end at that. And that's 'cause the hurt, it still remained. Till today, only one person had managed to decipher that poker face, and to say the truth, she found that rather strange, but comforting too. But, it wasn't to be him. She wanted him to call her back after she took her first step away from yesterday. Better still, she actually wanted to stay back. Elsewhere had to be gone, but deep within, status quo needed to be restored. Restitution. And she learned it the hard way.. the problem with restitution. The problem is that you try a li'l too hard to hold on to Yesterday, missing the joys of Today. And her dear, sweet Yesterday, as expected, was fluidly slipping away.. And she was still desperately clinging on.. still not letting go.. not one bit. Maybe she didn't want to, maybe she couldn't.. maybe she still wanted it to be a part of every step that she took.. But, that was totally one-sided.. They were all living, or rather, existing in different worlds.. And every past moment was a moment lost in a yesterday of nothingness. And she missed every bit of that. She tried to convince herself otherwise, but with every breath she took, awake or dead, she was still living in his past. And living two completely different, parallel lives, trying to balance both.. was a helluva task. And she was still doing just that.. Happily. Gladly. Desperately. Hopelessly. Sadly.

He was her best friend back in school. Was. That didn't make sense anymore. But, no matter how things changed, that one thing would always remain.

"No one can take Tomorrow away. It will come.. one day at a time.. What goes missing, what the good Lord takes away.. is Yesterday.. one day at a time.."

He didn't get her message. Sad life. You spend half a lifetime trying to get things across, and the other half facing a hit-back. Tsk.

"Do you know why did I ask you to leave? 'Cause for you, everyone existed except me. Did you even bother picking up my calls? Don't you give me that crappy excuse that you didn't pick up 'cause you didn't hear it. You picked up Chin's call but not mine. Wow. Why on earth did you start acting so weird? You had told me about Prasha before but wait, you had to tell only Chin. Sorry, if I was invading your privacy.. I already was pissed yest, but no you had to take my cell phone and piss me off even more. Then, if we are that boring and if your new friends are that interesting, you shouldn't have to meet people like us. You wanted fate to decide na. That means, you never really wanted to meet."

As I said, you spend half a lifetime trying to get things across.. and most of the times, they're still within you. Sad communication, really.

And she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't. Recoil. "Oh, you know what? That's a bullshit reason for asking me to leave. It was plain rude, and that's that. I was fucking sleeping when you called, and next time I was taking a bath. And don't give me that bullshit of not answering calls. How many times 've you completely ignored my calls and messages? You're jus' too arrogant to accept this. Aah, now I wonder why you were pissed. Oh, wait! Maybe it had something to do with meeting me. Aah, guess it all makes perfect sense to me now. You're right, actually. I never wanted to meet you. And you know why? 'cause the last time I was 'ere, I learned but one thing.. You people aren't interested in meeting me. And YOU are all too engrossed in your new college bullshit to even answer my calls, or reply to my messages. But, no.. You're not going to accept this.. You're going to be a bitch, and come up with a hundred more arguments. And I always thought you would be the one person who'd understand me."

She begged him, but he never got her message. He was supposed to compromise, not shout back. He was supposed to understand the hurt. Understand.

But, he continued with the ignoring..

Ignoring..

Long last! "Will sorry suffice?" "Sorry. I am sorry u dont understand me. I am sorry u always judge me wrongly. I am tired of explaining to you..but you never get me so chuck."

And she smiled.

He wasn't bothered.

And I smiled again, and bid farewell.

"Goodbye, Yesterday."