'Cause I Always Walk Alone..

On cold, winter nights, I often wake up, shivering in the dark, awake after a dream from yesteryear that's been haunting me every night. It's the same dream, the same message being relayed to me, time after time. I walk all alone in the cold, unseen white mist. The fog clogs the eyes, and all I trust at that unearthly moment is my feet, treading on unknown ground, knowing not what's next, or what just went by. I just continue to be gone with the wind..

But the run continues.. Never interrupted by something opaque, the dark, and I, continue into oblivion, running away from what is my not so trustworthy past that doesn't separate itself from my present. The thing with me is that I'm too critical of all things around me, myself included. That's a huge obstruction to my ever un-satiated quest for peace, serenity, tranquility. And that is what my past is, and that is exactly what my present is.. and that is what I imagine myself to be running away from, and that, as I have realised, is what I am still running into.

I see those hopes, and faiths at the end of the road, like the lights at the end of the tunnel, which they speak about only in gospels. I've learned that it's true, the story about the lights. But I've also learned a very dark truth alongwith it- and that even the gospels speak about this light from only the inner confines of the deep, dark, and lonely tunnel. Never have I known the unfortunate superbeing to actually reach the lighted destiny he sees. (He's never thought about the U-turn either- an easier, but improbable solution.) But then, what happens to the individual's existence? Does he stop progressing- does he stop, fall down, or reach the skies, considering that to be his final destination, or is he just too apprehensive about his forseeable institutionalisation? I think one of the Apostles should answer my querry? Maybe, the thirteenth? They have always seemed to please a myriad number of humans with their tales. But, one thing I do know is my reason for it. It's not that I've stopped, or fallen down or anything- it's the simple fear of change. Adaptation.

Generations have survived because of this seemingly easily understood concept. But, what about the tunnel that follows? Or the one after that? What goes around, comes around, right? We're playing with our lives here. It's no game of truth, and dare. Change is good, I know. But it's one of the many things I fear. I just slow down my pace. The chains of my past are heavy, and it's pulling me back, beating me down. I fear walking ahead, and I have no intention of "moving on". I'm yet another victim of my own past! Ha! The day I step out in those lights will probably be the day of Judgement, and I might as well be the dictator of Nazareth.

What I actually want, however is to reflect the lifestyles of a tape recorder. Yes! Just play the same old tape again, and again- watch my life played in reverse. Live once again, and tell my creators, "Yessir! I'm still alive!" Barring my recent past, my present past, and my own omnipresent present, my whole life has been as blissful as ignorance. That's all I crave for- live for the moments that are bygones, probably relive them as they were once upon a time, or enact them upon a different stage- knowing fully well that this won't be the case. A friend of mine (maybe not so much now- aah! The misfortunes!) had once suggested the best of solutions- escapism. I strongly rejected it, not accepting, and barely knowing that.. that was precisely my life story- escapism! I don't fear treading on unknown ground, as long as it's material, but the fears, sigh. I speak the truth, but the truth itself is something I evade when circumstances cause it to come crashing into me! Escapism! Escapism! Escapism! All I've ever done, and all I have risked with my friends for the sake of many a lost cause- only to lose it all out again!

But then, I don't think it's the right solution either- when am I not wrong? Ha! So I am fighting between the past chains, and the futuristic road, crushed by an equilibrium of inertia, that doesn't go either way! Existing in a two dimensional niche of space, and time, never living, never feeling. A note strikes my heart, weighs it down more, lowers me, and then reincarnates my urge, lifts me out of my self imposed stupor, and compels me from boring a hole in the ground- a point of no return. I'm going this way, I'm going direct the other way! The present period, aah! One would insist on it being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. Dickens is a good, good, teacher, aye! But before I equate myself with any of these great mortal literary gods of the classic times gone, I think I must suffer enough. And so I imagine this marvellous niche of space, and time all filled with the devil's woes.

DID I SWALLOW TWO APPLES?

So what, pray, is the reason for my writing this? I don't know, and you know why .. 'cause there isn't any reason. It's just a pure waste of time, just like my everyday life.. all for me to vent out all my heat, pressure, and frustration. Outlet, remember, Omega? Aah, yes! It all comes out in writing. Maybe it feels good to imagine that someone knows your strangest secret- aye! I just find a sedate pleasure in going through yesterday's gospel, the good, and the bad, comparing it with today's- cribbing, and revelling! That is why I shall never find any peace in whatever cycle I am a part of! Happyness is something we can only pursue, but never fully own. This criticism, and hugely inflated ego of mine wouldn't do a thing to rectify the aberrations 'cause frankly, I don't think I give a damn. And knowning that to be true, I go to bed, knowing that I have front row tickets to the end of myself, myself- the same heavy, detering dream.

The only change is this lovely article which does nothing but adds to the haunting corners that my life already possesses, and with this, I wish thee a good time, and good repose!

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.."

"After all, to-morrow is another day!"

[22/11/2009]

Humanity - A wake up call. Mumbai, 26/11/2008

A friend of mine told me this, "Fight terror with terror." And the Father of the Nation taught me this, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." So where do we go from here? Do we helplessly continue to watch the teeming number of innocent civilians be slaughtered mercilessly at the hands of a bunch of 'God'-seeking terrorists? Or do we fight back?

Change is good.. It is what we need.. We need a different system prevailing here. We need people ruling over us who actually care, who don't seek votes, who are willing to die for the common man. We need people to rule over us who do more than just condemn such attacks and offer condolences and compensations. We need a Prophet to save and help us when we need it the most..

They say that religion would save us.. But just look what it gave us.. All this unjustified and indiscriminate killing and blood shedding. We need a Jesus Christ. Cometh the hour, cometh the man. We need peace. We need humanity to step up for the cause of billions. We want these barbaric acts to play the role of a wake up call to stop such terror attacks in the future. This stung us hard, right in the very heart of Mumbai and left many of us devastated. A rather easy situation to suggest would be to just form a new government to remove Terrorism. But the battle between the prevention and complete eradication of Terrorism in all totality is a highly debatable situation..

I'd say that Democracy is too weak to fight Terrorism. One goes, another comes.. Corruption in Politics can not be removed. And this might be a cliched sentence, but at the end of the day, it's we ourselves who have chosen them. Writing notes here and there and commenting on them don't really lead us anywhere. It might arouse the consciousness of a couple of users on these social-networking sites, it might move ourselves to self-pity, it might end up melting us and mourning for them now and then, but then.. DOES OUR MESSAGE REACH THE MASSES? And the self-evident answer is that the notes are going to be left to rot in sometime.. It'll be forgotten in no time at all. Another nefarious and heinous act would shift our focus soon enough. The 1993 Mumbai serial bomb blasts were bad enough! Did we think a similar situation would occur again? No, we didn't. We felt that it was time for the calm after the storm to prevail.. But oh well, then comes the Gujarat riots in 2001, the Twin Towers' travesty in the USA in 2001, the serial train bombs in 2006, the myriad number of serial blasts in Jaipur, Ahmedabad, Hyderabad, Bangalore, Delhi, Assam, and god knows where else!! These blasts will then be long forgotten.. No one's gonna think twice in the future! The case of the 1993 bomb blasts were solved just a few months back! What quick justice! We ourselves forget the intensity of the barbarity we experienced at the hands of these fiends.

Now let me ask you, HOW MANY OF YOU ARE GOING TO STEP UP INTO A WORLD TO CHANGE THE SOCIETY? Most of us are going to enter the Engineering and Medical and IT and Science and Marketing and Animation fields and all.. How many of you are going to enter Politics? How many of you are going to enter Law? How many of you are going to enter Journalism? The answer is NONE! None of us are going to choose the graver self-etched path. NONE! And that might pretty much explain the sad situation of our nation. *sigh* A friend of mine told me that I just don't care for the torture MY city is undergoing.. That really hit me hard, 'cause I do care. I might not make it seem evident, but I do care. I do shed tears of sorrow in the literal sense. If we can bring 'bout the change, then we can be the change as well..! Gandhiji had rightly remarked, "We must be the change we wish to see in the world." For this very reason, I am wanting to pursue a career in Law and Journalism. To change.., to do good, to make a difference.. Though the efforts of just one lawyer may seem very small for any amount of significant change, I firmly believe in the saying that "Drops of water make a sea"! Thus, I wish to be that one drop of water in this sea of misery and cleanse the country of all its difficulties and hardships! I sincerely believe I can change the world and I shall always strive forward to achieve this goal that I have set for myself!

I am a staunch believer in justice and I respect the freedom of each human being as an individual. Though the India of today is indeed an independent nation, the freedom fighters could however not restore freedom to each and every individual Indian citizen. Ever since we got freedom, India has been ravaged by various social, religious, political and economic evils. Corruption is at its peak and it has become a sin to do good in this nation. Everywhere, corruption is at its prominent best! The police-men, ministers, traders, businessmen and even the various authorities are very corrupt. This has made it impossible for any innocent to seek justice in the name of Law. Politics is synonymous with Corruption. It really is.

We are a sad bunch of people living in a sad world which is going from bad to worse. It's high time we make a move. This is the moment. It's now or never. We must be more than just a face in the crowd.. We got to stand up for our city, for our country, for the world, and for humanity at large..!! India now doesn't need a prescription; it needs a surgery! And YOU are the doctor! So get up and get going! In another four years from now, a similar incident shouldn't be a surprise for us! Mind you, this note of mine is not to force one into rushing to the Taj Hotel or the Oberoi Hotel or the Nariman House or anywhere.. with a gun in hand and saying 'Bharat Mata Ki Jai'; it's my personal opinion only to make you think over for once.. our move for the future.. How we introspect the situation and move into the future with a better hope..

The sad sights being displayed on television. The mere picture of the majestic heritage structure like the Taj, set on flames, left me feeling truly helpless. The Nariman House and the Oberoi-Trident hotels are now reported to be safe. But reports of the Taj holding some of the terrorists for nearly 60 hours comes as a huge disappointment to us. Only after 60 hours of gunfire, grenade attacks and numerous encounters here and there, has it all ended.. and I'd like to thank all those responsible for bringing the city under control. No words are enough to repay the debt. =)

The news of the ATS chief, Mr. Hemant Karkare and other reputed officers like Encounter specialist, Mr. Vijay Salaskar, ACP Mr. Ashok Kamte and the numerous others who have sacrificed themselves for our cause has left the whole world completely shell-shocked. The sounds of bomb blasts heard through the satellite fills me up with a fear, a fear of the unknown. Not knowing, who has succumbed to their wounds and suffered the ultimate in the form of death. =(

The sight of the various dead fills me up with a void, a void that I cannot describe in words. The blood stains strewn all across gives a ghastly look to my television set as well. It's fear, anger, frustration, sadness, etc., etc., etc. At this very moment that I express my heart out to you.. a countless number of people are being left totally shattered. Scared. The news of rounds of gunfire heard at the Taj Hotel deepens the void in me. Helpless.

According to an exclusive account by an eye-witness who was held as one of the hostages at the Taj, one of the NSG commandos has been reported to have said that we would take a bullet before it touches any one of you. My salute to each and every one of the brave hearts who have fought till their last breath.. No matter what we do, we can never repay them in any way, for what they are doing for us.. It does not embarrass me to be saying this that there are tears in my eyes this very moment that I speak my heart out..

My salutations as a Mumbaikar, as an Indian, but most importantly.. as a human, to the brave hearts who fought with true heart and soul, and the innocent victims who have died in this act of utter barbarism. They did not deserve this. No one does. May Heaven hold the souls of the faithful departed. May they rest in peace for all eternity.. =)

I hope my honest views help me pave our path into this world and etch out a living to help the society. Change the system. My motto is my goal: "... And Justice For All".

Thank you, yours faithfully..
Amen.